The First Post

Okay so I don't do shit like this, I don't "Blog" as people say, in fact I kinda see blogging as something that people who wear Tom's shoes and compost their own garbage and stuff like that do. I rock Chuck Taylor Converse All Stars, and am very guilty of not having a compost pile in by yard, but whatever I will give it a try. Here is my first post.

The Things I Have Learned in College

Next posting will be next Sunday night... now you can look forward to this blog and church!

You see I go to Cornell University, I pay somewhere around 50 grand a year to come study here and learn things so that someday I will be a successful person with a bunch of money and whatever bullshit your parents tell you about going to college. But the other day when I got my tuition bill in the mail I got to thinking, damn this is expensive and it’s not right that some people cannot afford to go to college and learn all the valuable things that I have learned so I thought hell why not just put it online, a free resource for all, kinda like in the movie Goodwill Hunting where Will totally annihilates the douchebag in the bar with all of the great shit he taught himself by reading… but less profound, and dispensed weekly in a blog. So here it is, the infinite knowledge and wisdom of Tina Trillium (yeah… that’s a fake name, gotta make the parents proud).

1. If you have to stomp your clothing into the dryer the clothing will not get dry, similarly if you have to stomp your clothing into the washing machine and add twice the amount of detergent to account for such a large volume of beer soiled clothing your clothing will not get clean, it will come out with  a soapy film on it.
2. The free condoms they give you… low quality; cheaper to buy them in the first place and not spend 35 bucks on plan B
3. Milk will keep for like two weeks after the expiration date, if you lack olfactory organs have a strong stomach
4. That punch you had at that party… that was half everclear.
5. Don’t piss off your roommate… they can always rub your toothbrush on their feet
6. Get over shitting in public restrooms, everyone has to do it
7. Running barefoot from campus to college town can have negative impacts on your physical health... doing the walk of shame back barefoot... has negative effects on psychological and physical health
8. You can use vodka to sanitize wounds… it just hurts like a mother
9. Blenders must have lids on them before they are operated… they should also not be operated if one has a blood alcohol content of over .08
10. If you lose your pants, and your wallet is in your pants you must have lost your wallet