So... I was slacking, lots of midterms and shit like that but here is a new post.
1. Swallowing live goldfish... not advisable
2. Fire... it can burn you
3. If you buy yourself a breathalyzer to make sure you don't drink to much, you end up drinking more... just to see how high you can make it go
4. You can get in a hot tub no matter what you are wearing
5. In college no one will judge you for drinking on any day of the week or at anytime during the day
6. Drinking in the shower is soothing and relaxing
7. Don't try to juggle beer cans when you are drunk
8. Cops do not think you are as funny as you think you are
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Frat Attack Post
Okay let me sum up my weekend… shit got fratty. So this post is all about frat like things that I have learned.
1. Chugging beer from a can is great and all, but you will look so much cooler chugging from something like a top hat, a vase, or even a shoe.
2. It is better to just buy a bottle opener for a buck and save the 500 dollars you will have to pay to fix the tooth you cracked opening a beer bottle with your teeth.
3. If people are drinking it is best to hide objects such as hammers, plates, and anything breakable.
4. When you are drunk, breaking shit is way more fun than when you are sober.
5. Beer pong needs to be a NCAA sanctioned sport.
6. Franzia bags can explode if you jump on them
7. If you are going to shotgun a beer do it right, don’t use your keys to pop the hole in the can be a boss and bite the fucker open.
8. If you really don't wanna walk someone will be drunk enough to agree to piggyback you to the next party... just make sure they don't drop you.
It was a fun weekend… hope you had a good one as well
1. Chugging beer from a can is great and all, but you will look so much cooler chugging from something like a top hat, a vase, or even a shoe.
2. It is better to just buy a bottle opener for a buck and save the 500 dollars you will have to pay to fix the tooth you cracked opening a beer bottle with your teeth.
3. If people are drinking it is best to hide objects such as hammers, plates, and anything breakable.
4. When you are drunk, breaking shit is way more fun than when you are sober.
5. Beer pong needs to be a NCAA sanctioned sport.
6. Franzia bags can explode if you jump on them
7. If you are going to shotgun a beer do it right, don’t use your keys to pop the hole in the can be a boss and bite the fucker open.
8. If you really don't wanna walk someone will be drunk enough to agree to piggyback you to the next party... just make sure they don't drop you.
It was a fun weekend… hope you had a good one as well
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Rough Weekend Post
Hey guys, kind of a rough week but lets be honest I brought it upon myself. I am doing this instead of studying for prelims... good life choices...
1. College presents many opportunities to explore other cultures through fun activities such as those of Japan and Germany which can be learned through sake bombing and pounding jaggerbombs... respectively
2. Telling a cop that "I'm in college I can do whatever I want" is not an effective way to get out of trouble
3. Urinating in the middle of the street is just as dangerous as playing in the middle of the street.
4. If you have to be carried home don't let a guy who can barely walk carry you
5. Dining hall plates are not as clean as the plates at home.
6. In college your standards for personal hygiene drop.
7. The five second rule becomes the 5 minute rule in college, this negatively correlates to the cleanliness of the floor.
8. No matter how much you like to have fun, eventually in college you will have to study.
1. College presents many opportunities to explore other cultures through fun activities such as those of Japan and Germany which can be learned through sake bombing and pounding jaggerbombs... respectively
2. Telling a cop that "I'm in college I can do whatever I want" is not an effective way to get out of trouble
3. Urinating in the middle of the street is just as dangerous as playing in the middle of the street.
4. If you have to be carried home don't let a guy who can barely walk carry you
5. Dining hall plates are not as clean as the plates at home.
6. In college your standards for personal hygiene drop.
7. The five second rule becomes the 5 minute rule in college, this negatively correlates to the cleanliness of the floor.
8. No matter how much you like to have fun, eventually in college you will have to study.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The "You Might be a College Student If" Post
Holy shit I'm on time this week, here is a nice short one for you.
YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT IF...
1. You consume more calories from alcohol than actual food
2. You can make a gourmet meal from dining hall food
3. You have at least a dozen different names for a hookup
4. You have been sick for half the year
5. You guzzle coffee like it's water
6. You constantly fuck up your laundry
7. The words RA make you shit your pants
8. You are dirt poor
Just thought I would mix shit up, send pissed off comments to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com
YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT IF...
1. You consume more calories from alcohol than actual food
2. You can make a gourmet meal from dining hall food
3. You have at least a dozen different names for a hookup
4. You have been sick for half the year
5. You guzzle coffee like it's water
6. You constantly fuck up your laundry
7. The words RA make you shit your pants
8. You are dirt poor
Just thought I would mix shit up, send pissed off comments to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com
Monday, February 7, 2011
The How College is Killing You Post
Hey guys again sorry for being so late, Dell hasn't shipped my computer back so it is tough to get online with all the other things going on. Anyway, this post is all about how college is eating years off of our lives and slowly killing us, like the natural elements are eroding away rocks to nothing but sand over time. Wow... Nerd bomb.
Eating Habits:
FACT: In college you eat shit like Ramen, Easy Mac, dining hall food, and live off of energy drinks.
RESULT: You gain weight, you ingest massive amounts of sodium, your heart becomes less healthy, you get pregnant and you die.
Drinking Habits:
FACT: You drink a lot in college. I woke up Saturday morning with 15 tally marks on my arm... I say that was a damn good night, but a fucking awful morning.
RESULT: Drinking is bad for your liver, it also kills brain cells. You also can get pregnant and die from it.
Stress:
FACT: College is stressful you actually have to learn shit.
Result: You put shit off and have to cram the night before... you drink more energy drinks. You sleep less, you are less alert and more likely to walk out into traffic This can cause you to get pregnant and die.
Sex Life
Fact: Some people sex lives blossom in college, for those of you whose didn't see the above stress. For those of you who did read on.
Result: Walks of shame, dram between friends... and you can get pregnant and die.
Eating Habits:
FACT: In college you eat shit like Ramen, Easy Mac, dining hall food, and live off of energy drinks.
RESULT: You gain weight, you ingest massive amounts of sodium, your heart becomes less healthy, you get pregnant and you die.
Drinking Habits:
FACT: You drink a lot in college. I woke up Saturday morning with 15 tally marks on my arm... I say that was a damn good night, but a fucking awful morning.
RESULT: Drinking is bad for your liver, it also kills brain cells. You also can get pregnant and die from it.
Stress:
FACT: College is stressful you actually have to learn shit.
Result: You put shit off and have to cram the night before... you drink more energy drinks. You sleep less, you are less alert and more likely to walk out into traffic This can cause you to get pregnant and die.
Sex Life
Fact: Some people sex lives blossom in college, for those of you whose didn't see the above stress. For those of you who did read on.
Result: Walks of shame, dram between friends... and you can get pregnant and die.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The Late Post
Okay sorry this was so late, had computer issues and spent over an hour on the phone with the fucking dell people.
1. Do not drink jungle juice… you don’t know what is in it.
2. Frats have odd rituals involving banging ones head on a beer can to cause it to explode, this looks dangerous but don’t worry no one has died in years from it
3. The higher one is on a surface the more fun it is to dance on
4. When you go to college you start taking more naps, and this time you do it voluntarily
5. Ramen noodles and laptops are like cats and dogs… they just don’t get along well together
6. Seeing an adult in a residence hall is like seeing a dog walk on its hind feet
7. In college there is a lot more throw up… everywhere
8. Don’t date an RA, cause eventually you will break up and eventually they will find a full flask in your drawer
1. Do not drink jungle juice… you don’t know what is in it.
2. Frats have odd rituals involving banging ones head on a beer can to cause it to explode, this looks dangerous but don’t worry no one has died in years from it
3. The higher one is on a surface the more fun it is to dance on
4. When you go to college you start taking more naps, and this time you do it voluntarily
5. Ramen noodles and laptops are like cats and dogs… they just don’t get along well together
6. Seeing an adult in a residence hall is like seeing a dog walk on its hind feet
7. In college there is a lot more throw up… everywhere
8. Don’t date an RA, cause eventually you will break up and eventually they will find a full flask in your drawer
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Holy Shit I Almost Forgot to Post Post.
Okay it’s been a rough week with rush and all that but here are a few tips
1. If you know you are gonna be completely fucked up write your addressee as well as your friends phone number on your body… that way if someone finds you they can get you to safety.
2. If you are going to attempt a keg stand make sure the person holding you up is strong enough.
3. Before attempting a belly slide make sure the table has been lubricated.
4. If a guy invites you to his room for a movie it’s not to watch a movie
5. Rush week is hell.
6. Girls will always pick looking good over being comfortable
7. If you have 8 items plugged into a single outlet you might blow the breaker
8. Instead of using a plate, I find that a slab of cardboard is a wonderful holder for any piece of food.
Sorry this also sucks… I mean I typed it in like two minutes
1. If you know you are gonna be completely fucked up write your addressee as well as your friends phone number on your body… that way if someone finds you they can get you to safety.
2. If you are going to attempt a keg stand make sure the person holding you up is strong enough.
3. Before attempting a belly slide make sure the table has been lubricated.
4. If a guy invites you to his room for a movie it’s not to watch a movie
5. Rush week is hell.
6. Girls will always pick looking good over being comfortable
7. If you have 8 items plugged into a single outlet you might blow the breaker
8. Instead of using a plate, I find that a slab of cardboard is a wonderful holder for any piece of food.
Sorry this also sucks… I mean I typed it in like two minutes
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Random Odds and Ends Post
So I’m sitting in PHL and got sick of people watching and throwing coins on the ground for small children… So I decided to write a blog post. Break is now over and I’m headed back up to Ithaca. I hope everyone has a safe trip and all that. This post is just miscellaneous shit I learned recently, it's not that funny sorry about that, I'm too hungover to care though so have fun.
1. In order to keep track of how much you have drank, you should carry a permanent marker in your pocket. Every time you take a drink put a tally mark on your arm.
2. The people at Wal-Mart will judge you if you go in drunk and ask them if they “serve” ping pong balls.
3. Another activity you should refrain from doing when drunk is ice skating.
4. Sleeping in a kayak isn’t comfortable, no matter how drunk you are.
5. Karaoke sounds bad even if you are sober... It’s only fun when your drunk because everything is funnier when you are drunk.
6. Do not drunk dial your mother, she will be disappointed.
7. Beer bottles do not break on the tops of bars like they do in the movies… instead they shatter in your hand.
8. Never lick a steak knife.
So there it is… another pretty lame one.
1. In order to keep track of how much you have drank, you should carry a permanent marker in your pocket. Every time you take a drink put a tally mark on your arm.
2. The people at Wal-Mart will judge you if you go in drunk and ask them if they “serve” ping pong balls.
3. Another activity you should refrain from doing when drunk is ice skating.
4. Sleeping in a kayak isn’t comfortable, no matter how drunk you are.
5. Karaoke sounds bad even if you are sober... It’s only fun when your drunk because everything is funnier when you are drunk.
6. Do not drunk dial your mother, she will be disappointed.
7. Beer bottles do not break on the tops of bars like they do in the movies… instead they shatter in your hand.
8. Never lick a steak knife.
So there it is… another pretty lame one.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The “And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Program” Post
Okay okay I know everyone was getting tired of those shitty holiday posts but seriously being back home is a lot less crazy than being at college… the population of kegs in my hometown is much lower than the population of kegs in the Cornell community. Then you have to add the fact that your parents are around you into the equation… my mom tried to give me a bed time the other day… WTF. And lastly I’ve just been trying to relax over break, it’s like a rehab detox type deal. But fear not, I still had some rough nights for you to laugh at so here it is, and enjoy.
1. Never iron pants when they are on you… need I explain this one more.
2. Much like books, sock have many more uses than they are intended to… they can be used to clean up spilled liquor, as napkins, and a signal that says DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
3. When preparing to pass out make sure in the words of Asher Roth “you don’t pass out with your shoes on” but what Asher didn’t tell you was pick a safe place to pass out… next to the hot water heater is not a safe place.
4. When you pop a champagne cork hold on to the damn thing… property damage may ensue if one does not heed this tip
5. Never cite Wikipedia in a paper… your grade will undoubtedly suffer.
6. Walking home in a t-shirt bra-less in 20 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to the term nipping.
7. Make sure your parents are NOT the last people you call before you go out to a party. If you lose your whoever finds it will most likely call them and assure them that the phone is safe and sound, and try to find the owners identity… too bad your parents thought you were safe and sound in your bed, enjoy explaining that one.
8. If you aren’t a dick to your RA they might just cut you some slack every now and then… that means no puking on their door.
Well this is my last post for break, so hopefully the shit I write is better than this crap. Send in your tips and complaints to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com they are always appreciated. Also you can like up on facebook or some shit like that.
1. Never iron pants when they are on you… need I explain this one more.
2. Much like books, sock have many more uses than they are intended to… they can be used to clean up spilled liquor, as napkins, and a signal that says DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
3. When preparing to pass out make sure in the words of Asher Roth “you don’t pass out with your shoes on” but what Asher didn’t tell you was pick a safe place to pass out… next to the hot water heater is not a safe place.
4. When you pop a champagne cork hold on to the damn thing… property damage may ensue if one does not heed this tip
5. Never cite Wikipedia in a paper… your grade will undoubtedly suffer.
6. Walking home in a t-shirt bra-less in 20 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to the term nipping.
7. Make sure your parents are NOT the last people you call before you go out to a party. If you lose your whoever finds it will most likely call them and assure them that the phone is safe and sound, and try to find the owners identity… too bad your parents thought you were safe and sound in your bed, enjoy explaining that one.
8. If you aren’t a dick to your RA they might just cut you some slack every now and then… that means no puking on their door.
Well this is my last post for break, so hopefully the shit I write is better than this crap. Send in your tips and complaints to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com they are always appreciated. Also you can like up on facebook or some shit like that.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The New Years Resolutions Post
Okay guys this ones gonna be a little different, I’ve decided to make a list of the top 10 new years resolutions for college students, and how to reach those goals. The idea came to me on New Years eve… somewhere between passing out by the hot water heater and the table dance (not pretty FYI) I got to thinking, how can I improve myself in the new year. Actually that’s a bunch of bullshit, I was really thinking how do I do a new years themed blogpost?
Resolution 1: Get better grades
Solution 1: Drink less, study more.
Resolution 2: Become more popular
Solution 2: Drink more, stop leaving your hair in the sinks in the bathroom
Resolution 3:Become more healthy
Solution 3: Drink less, stop eating ramen and easy mac for every meal
Resolution 4: Increase alcohol tolerance
Solution 4: Drink more, drink often.
Resolution 5: Keep dorm clean
Solution 5: WTF Not possible, don’t even try… just drink more.
Resolution 6: Lose gut
Solution 6: Drink less, stop eating squeeze cheese out of a can, and eat a salad.
So there are a few of the college student’s new years resolutions, I personally think this post sucks but I wanted to try this out just to give some variety, you will be back to your regular scheduled program next Sunday. Email us at thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com
Resolution 1: Get better grades
Solution 1: Drink less, study more.
Resolution 2: Become more popular
Solution 2: Drink more, stop leaving your hair in the sinks in the bathroom
Resolution 3:Become more healthy
Solution 3: Drink less, stop eating ramen and easy mac for every meal
Resolution 4: Increase alcohol tolerance
Solution 4: Drink more, drink often.
Resolution 5: Keep dorm clean
Solution 5: WTF Not possible, don’t even try… just drink more.
Resolution 6: Lose gut
Solution 6: Drink less, stop eating squeeze cheese out of a can, and eat a salad.
So there are a few of the college student’s new years resolutions, I personally think this post sucks but I wanted to try this out just to give some variety, you will be back to your regular scheduled program next Sunday. Email us at thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com
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