Okay sorry this was so late, had computer issues and spent over an hour on the phone with the fucking dell people.
1. Do not drink jungle juice… you don’t know what is in it.
2. Frats have odd rituals involving banging ones head on a beer can to cause it to explode, this looks dangerous but don’t worry no one has died in years from it
3. The higher one is on a surface the more fun it is to dance on
4. When you go to college you start taking more naps, and this time you do it voluntarily
5. Ramen noodles and laptops are like cats and dogs… they just don’t get along well together
6. Seeing an adult in a residence hall is like seeing a dog walk on its hind feet
7. In college there is a lot more throw up… everywhere
8. Don’t date an RA, cause eventually you will break up and eventually they will find a full flask in your drawer
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Holy Shit I Almost Forgot to Post Post.
Okay it’s been a rough week with rush and all that but here are a few tips
1. If you know you are gonna be completely fucked up write your addressee as well as your friends phone number on your body… that way if someone finds you they can get you to safety.
2. If you are going to attempt a keg stand make sure the person holding you up is strong enough.
3. Before attempting a belly slide make sure the table has been lubricated.
4. If a guy invites you to his room for a movie it’s not to watch a movie
5. Rush week is hell.
6. Girls will always pick looking good over being comfortable
7. If you have 8 items plugged into a single outlet you might blow the breaker
8. Instead of using a plate, I find that a slab of cardboard is a wonderful holder for any piece of food.
Sorry this also sucks… I mean I typed it in like two minutes
1. If you know you are gonna be completely fucked up write your addressee as well as your friends phone number on your body… that way if someone finds you they can get you to safety.
2. If you are going to attempt a keg stand make sure the person holding you up is strong enough.
3. Before attempting a belly slide make sure the table has been lubricated.
4. If a guy invites you to his room for a movie it’s not to watch a movie
5. Rush week is hell.
6. Girls will always pick looking good over being comfortable
7. If you have 8 items plugged into a single outlet you might blow the breaker
8. Instead of using a plate, I find that a slab of cardboard is a wonderful holder for any piece of food.
Sorry this also sucks… I mean I typed it in like two minutes
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Random Odds and Ends Post
So I’m sitting in PHL and got sick of people watching and throwing coins on the ground for small children… So I decided to write a blog post. Break is now over and I’m headed back up to Ithaca. I hope everyone has a safe trip and all that. This post is just miscellaneous shit I learned recently, it's not that funny sorry about that, I'm too hungover to care though so have fun.
1. In order to keep track of how much you have drank, you should carry a permanent marker in your pocket. Every time you take a drink put a tally mark on your arm.
2. The people at Wal-Mart will judge you if you go in drunk and ask them if they “serve” ping pong balls.
3. Another activity you should refrain from doing when drunk is ice skating.
4. Sleeping in a kayak isn’t comfortable, no matter how drunk you are.
5. Karaoke sounds bad even if you are sober... It’s only fun when your drunk because everything is funnier when you are drunk.
6. Do not drunk dial your mother, she will be disappointed.
7. Beer bottles do not break on the tops of bars like they do in the movies… instead they shatter in your hand.
8. Never lick a steak knife.
So there it is… another pretty lame one.
1. In order to keep track of how much you have drank, you should carry a permanent marker in your pocket. Every time you take a drink put a tally mark on your arm.
2. The people at Wal-Mart will judge you if you go in drunk and ask them if they “serve” ping pong balls.
3. Another activity you should refrain from doing when drunk is ice skating.
4. Sleeping in a kayak isn’t comfortable, no matter how drunk you are.
5. Karaoke sounds bad even if you are sober... It’s only fun when your drunk because everything is funnier when you are drunk.
6. Do not drunk dial your mother, she will be disappointed.
7. Beer bottles do not break on the tops of bars like they do in the movies… instead they shatter in your hand.
8. Never lick a steak knife.
So there it is… another pretty lame one.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The “And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Program” Post
Okay okay I know everyone was getting tired of those shitty holiday posts but seriously being back home is a lot less crazy than being at college… the population of kegs in my hometown is much lower than the population of kegs in the Cornell community. Then you have to add the fact that your parents are around you into the equation… my mom tried to give me a bed time the other day… WTF. And lastly I’ve just been trying to relax over break, it’s like a rehab detox type deal. But fear not, I still had some rough nights for you to laugh at so here it is, and enjoy.
1. Never iron pants when they are on you… need I explain this one more.
2. Much like books, sock have many more uses than they are intended to… they can be used to clean up spilled liquor, as napkins, and a signal that says DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
3. When preparing to pass out make sure in the words of Asher Roth “you don’t pass out with your shoes on” but what Asher didn’t tell you was pick a safe place to pass out… next to the hot water heater is not a safe place.
4. When you pop a champagne cork hold on to the damn thing… property damage may ensue if one does not heed this tip
5. Never cite Wikipedia in a paper… your grade will undoubtedly suffer.
6. Walking home in a t-shirt bra-less in 20 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to the term nipping.
7. Make sure your parents are NOT the last people you call before you go out to a party. If you lose your whoever finds it will most likely call them and assure them that the phone is safe and sound, and try to find the owners identity… too bad your parents thought you were safe and sound in your bed, enjoy explaining that one.
8. If you aren’t a dick to your RA they might just cut you some slack every now and then… that means no puking on their door.
Well this is my last post for break, so hopefully the shit I write is better than this crap. Send in your tips and complaints to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com they are always appreciated. Also you can like up on facebook or some shit like that.
1. Never iron pants when they are on you… need I explain this one more.
2. Much like books, sock have many more uses than they are intended to… they can be used to clean up spilled liquor, as napkins, and a signal that says DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
3. When preparing to pass out make sure in the words of Asher Roth “you don’t pass out with your shoes on” but what Asher didn’t tell you was pick a safe place to pass out… next to the hot water heater is not a safe place.
4. When you pop a champagne cork hold on to the damn thing… property damage may ensue if one does not heed this tip
5. Never cite Wikipedia in a paper… your grade will undoubtedly suffer.
6. Walking home in a t-shirt bra-less in 20 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to the term nipping.
7. Make sure your parents are NOT the last people you call before you go out to a party. If you lose your whoever finds it will most likely call them and assure them that the phone is safe and sound, and try to find the owners identity… too bad your parents thought you were safe and sound in your bed, enjoy explaining that one.
8. If you aren’t a dick to your RA they might just cut you some slack every now and then… that means no puking on their door.
Well this is my last post for break, so hopefully the shit I write is better than this crap. Send in your tips and complaints to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com they are always appreciated. Also you can like up on facebook or some shit like that.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The New Years Resolutions Post
Okay guys this ones gonna be a little different, I’ve decided to make a list of the top 10 new years resolutions for college students, and how to reach those goals. The idea came to me on New Years eve… somewhere between passing out by the hot water heater and the table dance (not pretty FYI) I got to thinking, how can I improve myself in the new year. Actually that’s a bunch of bullshit, I was really thinking how do I do a new years themed blogpost?
Resolution 1: Get better grades
Solution 1: Drink less, study more.
Resolution 2: Become more popular
Solution 2: Drink more, stop leaving your hair in the sinks in the bathroom
Resolution 3:Become more healthy
Solution 3: Drink less, stop eating ramen and easy mac for every meal
Resolution 4: Increase alcohol tolerance
Solution 4: Drink more, drink often.
Resolution 5: Keep dorm clean
Solution 5: WTF Not possible, don’t even try… just drink more.
Resolution 6: Lose gut
Solution 6: Drink less, stop eating squeeze cheese out of a can, and eat a salad.
So there are a few of the college student’s new years resolutions, I personally think this post sucks but I wanted to try this out just to give some variety, you will be back to your regular scheduled program next Sunday. Email us at thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com
Resolution 1: Get better grades
Solution 1: Drink less, study more.
Resolution 2: Become more popular
Solution 2: Drink more, stop leaving your hair in the sinks in the bathroom
Resolution 3:Become more healthy
Solution 3: Drink less, stop eating ramen and easy mac for every meal
Resolution 4: Increase alcohol tolerance
Solution 4: Drink more, drink often.
Resolution 5: Keep dorm clean
Solution 5: WTF Not possible, don’t even try… just drink more.
Resolution 6: Lose gut
Solution 6: Drink less, stop eating squeeze cheese out of a can, and eat a salad.
So there are a few of the college student’s new years resolutions, I personally think this post sucks but I wanted to try this out just to give some variety, you will be back to your regular scheduled program next Sunday. Email us at thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com
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