The “And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Program” Post

Okay okay I know everyone was getting tired of those shitty holiday posts but seriously being back home is a lot less crazy than being at college… the population of kegs in my hometown is much lower than the population of kegs in the Cornell community. Then you have to add the fact that your parents are around you into the equation… my mom tried to give me a bed time the other day… WTF. And lastly I’ve just been trying to relax over break, it’s like a rehab detox type deal. But fear not, I still had some rough nights for you to laugh at so here it is, and enjoy.

1. Never iron pants when they are on you… need I explain this one more.
2. Much like books, sock have many more uses than they are intended to… they can be used to clean up spilled liquor, as napkins, and a signal that says DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
3. When preparing to pass out make sure in the words of Asher Roth “you don’t pass out with your shoes on” but what Asher didn’t tell you was pick a safe place to pass out… next to the hot water heater is not a safe place.
4. When you pop a champagne cork hold on to the damn thing… property damage may ensue if one does not heed this tip
5. Never cite Wikipedia in a paper… your grade will undoubtedly suffer.
6. Walking home in a t-shirt bra-less in 20 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to the term nipping.
7. Make sure your parents are NOT the last people you call before you go out to a party. If you lose your whoever finds it will most likely call them and assure them that the phone is safe and sound, and try to find the owners identity… too bad your parents thought you were safe and sound in your bed, enjoy explaining that one.
8. If you aren’t a dick to your RA they might just cut you some slack every now and then… that means no puking on their door.

Well this is my last post for break, so hopefully the shit I write is better than this crap. Send in your tips and complaints to thingsilearnedincollege@hotmail.com they are always appreciated. Also you can like up on facebook or some shit like that.